I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nutella sex= disaster
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
