christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
