my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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