If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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