they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
