But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Randomize
