yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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