the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
