i don't like sucking hair
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
