Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I am morally bankrupt
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
