Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was born a porn star she said
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
