first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
