Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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