I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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