Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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