Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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