He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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