I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
