When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
