i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
