He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
