I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize