We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
