actually, I'm a sock model
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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