He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
