Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
