She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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