I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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