why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your penis caused this!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
