Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
