Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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