i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
