Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
