you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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