How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My cat gives me a boner
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
