Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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