i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
