she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize