Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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