I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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