we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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