to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
