So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
love makes seman taste better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
