First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
