Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
