Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
