It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize