you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
