Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
