You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
