Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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