His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
