I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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