Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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