Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
