Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
