You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
