go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Text me some of your sweat
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