Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
