It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
