I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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