That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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