We're like a lot better than the average bears
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
