If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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