I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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