im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
