i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
