Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
