i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
